Imagine making less than half the income, in half the time, with double the bills and double the responsibilities. This is the reality for many moms raising the next generation of children on their own.

I remember the shame of not being able to do the same things my married friends were doing. They had reprieve. I didn’t. I remember the fear I felt when I held my baby and thought “I have no idea how I’m going to support us on my own, but somehow I’m going to figure it out.”

There are things I wish I knew back then — that took me a decade of school, the CFA designation, and some study of behavioural finance. It’s my intention that no mother ever hold her baby and wonder how they’re going to eat, how she’s going to afford childcare on her own or how she’ll ever be able to dig herself out of a hole caused by past financial trauma.

THE MONEY STORY

This is where it all begins. My background in financial theory didn’t prepare me at all for this. In fact, I still felt like that poor single mom, just with a finance designation. We are so used to having money taken from us. Many of us have been abused financially, emotionally and told repeatedly that we are useless and stupid. (This is the pattern of many deadbeat dads. I was told “you’ll never be able to get a place as a single mom”, “you’re so dumb that if you ever come after me for child support, I’ll tell the judge you’re incapable of supporting your kid and take him from you.”) This is why we shut down when even think about money. It’s not for us, it’s evil and the source of our suffering.

Deeply ingrained money beliefs usually go back to childhood. Maybe all you’ve ever known is “not having enough.” I’ve spoken to moms who feel like if they broke out of the poverty cycle that they’d lose their friends and family, because “who are you to make lots of money?” If they do, then they immediately spend it, because well, that’s what they’ve always done.

So how do we start shifting this mindset? It starts with self-awareness.

It starts by writing down all your money beliefs, especially the ones that hold you back the most. Are they true? (I guarantee they’re not.) 

Make a conscious effort to reframe these beliefs over a period of a few weeks. Think: “I’m horrible with money” becomes “I’m going to prioritize learning about investing and implementing what I learn to build wealth for my family.” There are books, podcasts, articles, websites that don’t cost anything to read. Reshaping your money psychology is the crucial first step towards feeling secure as a single mom.

GET TO KNOW YOUR NUMBERS

You can’t know how to get anywhere without first knowing where you are. Take a broader look at some key numbers. (And “I’m not good at math” is again, a limiting belief you learned somewhere along the way, see the section above.) In my opinion, getting lost in the details of where we can save pennies on kraft dinner is missing the point. Here’s where you should focus:

1. What are my fixed costs? This is where your rent, bills, groceries, debt repayment, and other regular expenses you know you have live. If you make $4,000 a month (after tax), ideally, this number isn’t higher than $2500. I get it, when you’re supporting kids on your own, this is tough. Think of it as a guidepost. You want this number around 60% or less. (2500/4000 = 62.5%)
2. What am I saving? Here is your safety net. I believe strongly that no matter what your income, you must designate a percentage to savings. I think of 5–10% in most cases. For now, it could be a very small amount — it’s about getting comfortable with the fact there will be a “future you” that you need to consider. Things happen, and you need to be prepared. In finance, we call it “intertemporal choice.” For our purposes, we’ll say “the choices you make today directly affect your ability to thrive years from now.”
3. What are you investing? Money grows over time. Every dollar invested today will grow to more than a dollar if invested over the long term. Again, we’re shooting for 10% here, but the single mom reality might not allow it — yet. Please remember we’re setting up guideposts for now.

WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

This is my favourite point because it removes so much money shame.

 Everyone prioritizes different things in their lives. Some people prioritize the highest quality food for their kids, while others prioritize taking a trip occasionally. Tilt your spending towards the things that bring you joy and minimize or completely stop spending on things that don’t.

MAKE DEBT A GAME

It’s just a game — and one that you’re going to win. Debt is a game, investing is a game and learning about finance is a game. Make it fun.

When you know exactly how much debt you have and have a plan towards paying it off, you take your head out of the sand. It makes it less scary because you know what you need to do.

Face your debt. See exactly what you owe and know the interest rates associated with what you owe. Try your best to negotiate lower interest rates on your credit cards first. Pay off your highest interest debt before moving to the next. You soon start to realize that you have way more control over this than you think.

You have total control over your financial narrative. You’re not defined by your past financial struggles. Small, deliberate choices made today will make all the difference for you family. So trust in your financial ability and even if no one ever taught you the language, with a little commitment, you can become fluent. Knowing your money is power.