Burn-out is a very real, relentless, and often debilitating issue single moms face. But what about its opposite? I’d like to introduce to you the concept of bore-out, a topic I’m all too familiar with.

Cue disengagement, monotony, dissatisfaction, and a whole host of other feelings resembling a complete lack of excitement. Think general apathy and disconnection.

Our daily routines often lack any variety, isolation limits opportunities for personal or career growth, limited time prevents us from enjoying our hobbies and the focus on financial survival overshadows quite literally – everything else. Professionally, our schedules and family responsibilities lead us to low-paying, hourly, unengaging jobs that we can become stuck in at the expense of pursuing fulfilling careers.

Sound familiar?

For me it came in the form of exhaustion. My body was starting to shut down. I had difficulty getting out of bed or even performing the simplest work tasks. My joints aches, I cried for no reason and my weight started climbing despite a healthy diet and rigorous workout routine. Years of working 3 jobs, study and the pursuit of a job where I could financially support my family manifested itself in an autoimmune issue (that I’m currently working on healing).

If I had to really dig deep, I’d say that my body started fighting me because I had so many unrealized dreams and goals. I had creative aspirations. I wanted to be a musician – a career I had spent 20 years training in was forgotten when I prioritized a career in finance. I had no choice. I had to go to work, and now I’m angry about it.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF BORE OUT

A pervasive sense of boredom seems obvious, but other symptoms can include lack of motivation, reduced productivity, a sense of apathy, mental fatigue or headaches. Do you procrastinate? Snap at your children? Find yourself daydreaming or planning your escape? I would describe it as wanting to crawl into a hole and not tell anyone where I was. I found myself withdrawing socially and losing patience with people. Normally very easy going and tolerant, I started hating people, ruminating, and disengaging from anyone who threatened to make my life more difficult than it already was.

In my experience, it grew over the period of a few years, becoming more problematic over time. It set me on a quest to reintroduce purpose and excitement into my life. I knew I needed to change routines, seek more adventure, become more playful, set goals and get back to the things I used to be passionate about.

REDISCOVERING PASSION AND PURPOSE

• REFLECT. So where do we begin? We begin by being honest with ourselves about where we are. What did we hope we’d accomplish by this time? What were our dreams and ambitions before single motherhood wiped it all out? Acknowledge where you are, and what needs to start happening to get momentum going forward again.

• GOALS: If you had most incredible year of your life, what would have needed to happen? Plot the timeline of that most incredible year. Design a plan to start getting these things done. Make a yearly, quarterly, monthly, weekly, and even daily schedule. No task is too small. The purpose here is start becoming the person who shows up every day in service to her dreams. Track your progress and adjust the plan as needed.

• SCHEDULE: Schedule blocks on time in your week to work on these items.

• INTERESTS: Have you forgotten how much you loved doing certain things? Would you be open to trying something new? You can be realistic about what you can do while still being adventurous.

• COMMUNITY: Connect with friends and family who can offer emotional support or practical assistance. In some cases, professional counselling and therapy may also help

• CELEBRATE: This helps with forward momentum. Celebrate the achievements no matter how small.

OPPORTUNITIES FOR GROWTH

Bore out can often come as a byproduct of not being challenged or inspired at work. Are there any career development or education opportunities you could take that would not just challenge you, but would also increase your earning capacity? Are there any mentors you can reach out to? Even self-development in the form of reading, listening to podcasts or online courses.

Sometimes, a side hustle might be what you need to bring you out of the monotony. While trying to put myself through, and pay for an expensive University degree, I worked full-time and started a business selling neon signs to event planners. It wasn’t huge money, but I felt a sense of satisfaction in pursuing something (slightly) creative.

CULTIVATING THE RIGHT MINDSET

Mindset really is where everything begins and ends. It’s the scaffolding that allows you to build the castle of your dreams. It’s what supports you as you build yourself from the ground up. If you know deep down that everything you’ve gone through is part of the plan, and that life is happening for you, and not to you – nothing can stop you.

We spend a lot of time focusing on the things we don’t want, but so little time on envisioning and working towards the things we do. Be grateful for all that you do have. As Dr. Joe Dispenza says “gratitude is the emotional signature of receivership.” I love this phrase. When I consciously practice gratitude, I feel like I’m playing with the forces that make life flow more easily. When I’m looking for signs that I’m moving in the right direction, I find them. When I look for things to complain about, I find them too. It’s my choice what I hope to find.

So, in terms of bore out, and what to do about it – It’s all about movement forward and feeling inspired as you do so. I know it’s tough when other urgent priorities are pulling at you from every angle. It’s easy to get swept up in the daily grind and forget about the things that would really move the needle in our lives. We use the excuse of “I’m too tired.” (because it’s true). But, if you really connected to what is at stake if you don’t do it, you’d find a way.

Connect with your body and be honest about where you’re starting from. Seek opportunities to evolve, to learn and to grow. Look for hobbies, sports, creative passions that light a spark in you and make a plan to start working towards their achievement. Take a few lessons, read some books, become passionate again. Spend time around friends that light you up.

And finally, I know as well as any single mom, how easy it is to get swept up in the maelstrom of single motherhood responsibilities and stress I silenced my own desires and dreams for over a decade until my body wouldn’t let me do it anymore. Bore out cast a shadow over my path but I couldn’t let it define the journey ahead. Single moms are warriors. We are the definition of determination and courage. So, let’s take that unwavering spirit, and use it to write a more inspired narrative for our lives.