If you’re in business, you’re familiar with the principle of resource allocation. For those of you who aren’t, the idea is that with a limited amount of money, you should aim to invest where you’ll see the greatest reward (or return on investment). If your resources aren’t managed properly though, when you look back, short-term, tangible signs of achievement were likely  prioritized over what was really important.

Clayton M. Christensen, author of The Innovator’s Dilemma, who teaches Harvard Business School MBA’s management innovation theory and leadership noticed that a number of the Harvard graduates he went to school with seemed to have no enduring sense of happiness in their lives despite their enormous earnings. One of Mr. Christensen’s classmates, Jeffrey Skilling was arrested for his role in the Enron scandal. Others experienced similar disappointments. 

While many of his classmates lead extraordinary lives in every sense, Mr. Christensen realized that missing in the curriculum was the importance of defining what we stand for – and then drawing a line. He asks his students to answer 3 questions. How can I be sure that I’ll be happy in my career? How can I be sure that my relationships will be an enduring sense of happiness? And, how can I stay out of jail?

Happiness, he believes, comes from an opportunity to learn, contribute, grow and be recognized. If you are consistently demeaned in your work life, how must that translate to your home life? 

So what should WE take from this?

A life strategy.

What is your purpose? We all have exceptionally demanding lives. Every hour spent on personal development is an hour not spent with the kids. Every minute spent cleaning, is a minute we’re not earning money. There is always an opportunity cost; a trade-off. The goal is to become aware when too much time is spent making that extra dollar at the expense of fulfilling your life’s purpose or mission. Think of a way to integrate your values through habitual practices. A few practices I have are: having my son make a list of dreams every New Years Day and checking them off throughout the year, leaving a few minutes before bed to discuss things like friendship or integrity, dancing around our home like children, asking “what have you failed at today?” to foster a sense of effort over achievement etc. Personally, I spend the last 20-40 min before bed reading, journaling and meditating. This is my sacred time to connect with my dreams and ambitions.

Resource allocation.

Your life’s strategy is essentially the way you allocate your time, energy and talents. When there’s a strong need to make money, for example, all available resources get unconsciously diverted to this area while under-investing in other, longer-term areas – like raising great kids, or nurturing a romantic relationship. When you see an area of your life suffering, be aware that it’s because energy is being spent elsewhere, likely in areas where there is an immediate short-term payoff.

Family culture.

Like companies, families have cultures that are either built purposefully or evolve unconsciously. Self-esteem, resilience and confidence don’t come out of nowhere, they need to be built up by doing things that are hard; by experimentation, failure and being resourceful.

Just this once thinking.

Nothing takes businesses down more than the “marginal cost” mistake. Economics students learn that when evaluating alternative investments, they should invest where their marginal revenues (just think, per unit benefit) exceed their marginal costs. This is short term thinking. We face the same decisions in life when evaluating right or wrong. “I never do this but….”, or “under these circumstances, it’s ok” tend to make the costs of a bad decision seem disproportionately small compared to the reward. We justify choices this way, but to paraphrase Christensen, it’s easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time as opposed to 98% of the time. If you cross the line once, it gets easier the second time.

Humility – a beautiful thing.

After years of living with a narcissist, I can’t underscore this enough. If you think you’re smarter than everyone else, you limit your learning opportunities. People who are abusive and demeaning towards others lack self-esteem. Period.

Perspective.

Consider the idea that a healthy person has many wishes, but an unhealthy person has only one.  We take what we have for granted, especially our health, our friendships, our experiences etc. It’s the human condition. Things that are important to you today may not be important in the future. At the end of your life you won’t measure it by dollars. Take a moment to notice what you may take for granted. Notice nature, hold your children, create moments and thank your body for carrying you since the day you were born. This is how progress begins.

I know the feeling of being over-extended all too well. I still fall in the trap every day, but over the years, have learned tools to climb out. Single moms carry the responsibilities of a whole family on our shoulders. I imagine myself physically stepping out of the overwhelm and into perfect order and harmony. I know it can seem impossible, but trust me it’s not. Managing a family alone is why it’s even more important we become masters of allocation and think of strategies to prioritize the dreams and values that may not have an immediate pay-off. Know your north star, define your values, embody your “why” and lead your family in that direction starting right now.

Write down 3 big goals for the year. Ask yourself why you want these outcomes? Ask yourself why again, and again and again, until you get to the feeling you’ll FEEL when you achieve these goals.

Sit with those positive feelings every day until you don’t have to think about them anymore; until you start feeling them naturally. While in this feeling state, make quarterly and monthly “mini-goals” that you can prioritize and record in your calendar.

Check in with yourself weekly.