Back in 2020, The New York Times wrote an interesting article, Mothers Are the “Shock Absorbers” of Our Society. Great read.

It was about the fallout of the pandemic, which was still only getting started, and its effect on working mothers. It followed the story of a decorated infectious disease physician and public health researcher who paused her career, setting herself back. She mentions her optimal circumstances: having a successful career, feminist husband, and a supportive workplace. But, as she says “at the end of the day, that’s not enough.” It was she who took on the traditional role of caregiver.

We should go ahead and call this a “shecession”

– C. Nicole Mason, President and Chief Executive of the Institute for Woman’s Policy Research

Even pre-pandemic, many women were paying to work, since their childcare and work-related expenses were greater than their salaries. They do this because mothers are financially penalized for leaving the workforce to raise their families. The idea here is that once the kids are in school, the costs go down, and mom still has her career.

The article goes on to speak about the costs of sacrificing one’s skills to help the family. The poorer the family, the greater the cost. Well, what about single moms? This is something we’ve been dealing with since the day fathers started walking out on their children.

This is something we’ve been dealing with since the day fathers started walking out on their children.

We have taken on the sole responsibility of caring for our children AND the sole responsibility of supporting our families. There are no breaks, there are no excuses, and there is no help. What happens if I lose my job? Then what? Let’s say my employer says, “well… I can hire someone who doesn’t have the baggage at home.” It’s true, and they probably will.

During the pandemic many single moms did lose their jobs, and with that their physical, mental and emotional health. In all of my reading during the pandemic, there was little written about the support being offered to single parents. 

As for me, I took on an a second “full time” job from home, and in addition, my son and I started a business making neon signs for events. Did I mention I am a financial analyst, holding the CFA designation? Yes, I work 3 jobs to support my child and pay for the frivolous litigation my ex starts as retaliation for his time spent in jail due to the non-payment of child support.

My ex, who has refused to pay child support (and as such, opted to work outside of the traditional economy with no known source of income or assets), as of this writing, owes over $600,000 in child support arrears. He was able to claim government assistance (CERB, in Canada) because his “reported income” was a meagre $6000, that he allegedly lost due to the pandemic. When I called the Canadian government about a garnishee, they told me that as “emergency relief”, this money didn’t flow through to the child. The mother and child were not an emergency, I guess. The deadbeat dad on the other hand, has done everything in the last decade to hide his income through various corporations and accounts in his mother’s name. Well, we know how that goes. He needs to finance his bar bills.

It feels like the pandemic shed a light on the “feminization of poverty” as it pertained to women leaving the traditional economy to care for their families as opposed to their husbands, who remained employed. That light, however, was short lived and never shined on those doing it alone. It’s the product of our patriarchal society. It’s great that women are working, have careers and even decorated positions. It’s fantastic that they’re approaching equal footing with their male counterparts.

Do you know what would be even more fantastic? If men also took on a proportionally similar role in the home. My best guess is that this isn’t happening anytime soon.

Single mothers are exhausted and suffering, as are their children.

Now back to the single mom who no one is talking about. She, like me, is working 3 jobs. I had my mother’s help when I went back to school to upgrade my education. Many women are completely alone, and don’t have anyone. These are the women who are making minimum wage, are exhausted and suffering, as are their children. They MUST be given resources and services like education and healthcare to get themselves out of this cycle of poverty. When the economy suffers, there is a reduction in public spending and social programs. These costs are pushed onto families, where the burdens are disproportionately shouldered by mothers. For the single mom’s out there, add it to the already impossible list of responsibilities we carry.

Bring back the light, and this time, shine it on the women who have no one. No one helping, no one supporting, and no one listening.