AT A GLANCE

• How the stress of single motherhood perpetuated weight-loss resistance.

• What is the weight protecting you from?

• The role of stress on weight-loss.

• Manage the toxins in your environment.

• Muscle, protein, and my trick of breaking workouts up into 20 min intervals.

• Using sleep to repair a broken-down body.

I know I just turned 40, but it didn’t make sense. I exercised more (and not in the “bad, obsessive, stressful way), ate less and made the healthiest choices possible. Truth is, slowly gaining a pound a month for 2 years impacted me on every level. I couldn’t fit into my work clothes, I stopped dating, and I didn’t take the business risks I should have. My confidence waned, I didn’t feel beautiful, and I had a shorter temper with my child. I remember looking at a DEXA scan I had done of my body composition and felt like I was wearing a fat suit. It was a wall between me and the world.

Unknowingly, the realities of my life perpetuated weight loss resistance that had absolutely nothing to do with calories in, calories out. Our bodies have 1 job – to keep us alive at all costs. Storing fat achieves this objective for a stressed-out single mom. Let me explain.

My armour

If I had to honestly ask myself what the weight was protecting me from, I’d probably tell you “men”. Telling myself that I didn’t want to go out because I didn’t feel beautiful or attractive was keeping me safe at home. I had just spent 7 years working my ass off to create a life for me and my son, and deep down, I was terrified of another man “taking it all away”, like my ex had done.

What’s your story? Is there something the weight is protecting you from? Was there ever a time in your life you felt small and powerless? Were you ever hurt by someone who was attracted to your body? Thank your body for trying to keep you safe all these years but that you’ve got this now. Your body needs to believe that you are finished hiding.

Weight and Stress

Chronic stress releases cortisol (known as the stress hormone). What the release of cortisol tells our bodies is that it’s not a safe time to release weight. There are just too many contributors in single parent life to count. But, I invite you to stop internalizing that everything is your fault. This helped me. I focused on the areas of life that were causing me stress – a financially crippling court battle I didn’t want to participate in, COVID, studying for the CFA exams, difficulties my son was going through, just to scratch the surface. I looked at all of these things to see if I could remove them from my life, and in my case, the unfortunate reality was no. The second best thing for me was prioritizing moments in my life to slow down. I began meditating very seriously because I knew my life depended on it. Learning how to disconnect from my body and become aware of the space around my body was one of the most valuable tools I have today. It allows me to turn down the volume of my sympathetic nervous system (SNS; fight or flight), while turning up the volume of my parasympathic nervous system (PNS; rest and digest). I actually imagine these 2 dials on my brain and visualise myself adjusting their volumes. Crazy right? 

Another tool I use is walking. I put on a book, a podcast or one of Dr. Joe Dispenza’s walking meditations and just go for it. It’s not something I have to do, it’s something I look forward to. I imagine walking myself into the reality that I’m dreaming up for myself and the new body that’s going to take me there. Walking my dog is my sacred time too. It’s not one more thing I have to do, it’s something I get to do.

Manage the toxins

It took me a while to get behind this one. I thought that organic makeup and glass water bottles were all about marketing and just another opportunity to separate us from our money by telling us we need things we don’t. I didn’t realize that these poisons cause “traffic jams” between our hormones and neurotransmitters, preventing insulin from doing its thing. This insulin resistance causes glucose to be stored as fat.

I immediately switched to organic, grass-fed meat only, got rid of all plastic water bottles and Tupperware, synthetic fragrances, and anything with styrofoam packaging (think commercial meat). 

Muscle, muscle and more muscle.

I loved how I felt after a long run. I hated every second of the run itself but sought the runner’s high I felt afterwards. I noticed though, as my running improved, my weight increased. The idea of stress comes into play here too. The body understands that I’m running for long periods of time and tries to store the energy as fat.

Putting on muscles starts with what we put on our plate. I went from a mostly veggie and fat diet to a higher protein diet, averaging about 120-150g per day. (You should aim to have about 1g per lb you weigh).

A trick that really helped me was breaking up my resistance work into smaller pieces. I looked at aiming for 20 min of weight/resistance, 20 min of yoga or pilates and 20 min of stretch/yin yoga etc. Hour workouts were tough with my schedule, so I really saw it as 20 or 40 min. Once I got that far, the stretch was my “reward”.

Sleeping for optimal fat burning

When melatonin (sleep hormone) kicks in, so does insulin resistance.  Going to sleep shortly after the sun goes down and eating earlier is the key here. This is simply non-negotiable. Everyone needs between 7-9 hours of sleep every night (more if you’re suffering from adrenal disfunction; a post for another day). A “wind-down” routine is important here. No blue light, no late-night feasts and earlier workouts can all help. Journaling is also a helpful tool to transfer the stressors that keep you up at night out of your head and onto a page. When I shower, I like to light a candle and use a loofah to clean the day’s stress from my body. I imagine washing it off my skin, going down the drain and getting into bed purified. 

These were all game changers for me. I remember the month where I went all in on these practices. I didn’t change any calories in or calories out. In fact, I may have eaten more (in the form of protein) and worked out less intensively. I lost 11 lbs.

If you’re having trouble losing weight despite doing “everything right”, reflect on these 3 ideas.

1) What keeps me up at night? Can I get it out of my life completely? Can I change the way I’m looking at it? Is there anything I can do to remind my body that it’s safe (like deep breathing in moments of stress)?
2) What kind of toxins are in my home? Get rid of all of the plastic, artificial scents and food packaged in styrofoam. Eat organic if possible.
3) Can you add some resistance training into your routine? Start with 10 min until it’s a habit. Only increase the time if you want to. Stop obsessing about cardio.
4) Sleep smarter. Research sleep hygiene and find a tool that works for you. Blackout curtains, keeping the temperature cooler, avoiding devices and eating earlier are just a few.