We’ve been through it all, haven’t we ladies? It’s as though the phrase “to hell and back” was written especially for us. We’ve cried, we’ve lost, been beaten down, made fun of, forced to question what was real, have been torn to pieces, suffered devastating loss and grieved. And yet, here we are — still standing.

We’ve been initiated.

Every woman is fighting a battle. Problems are sign of being alive. We don’t want them to go away, we just want to become better at solving them.

As Michelle Obama once said:

“You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages.”

I was on a road trip with my son to Quebec City, stewing about my deadbeat ex. It wasn’t enough for him to refuse to support his child, he vowed to bankrupt me with frivilous court applications until I rescinded his entire debt. Down went the downpayment for the home I spent 2 jobs and 10 years building.

I was angry. And I was just sitting in it, replaying the injustice in my mind on repeat.

THEN THIS MADE IT ALL GO AWAY:

An interview with Auschwitz survivor Dr. Edith Eger came up on my podcasts, and within the first few minutes, scrambled the narrative that was playing in my mind so completely, that I’ll never go back to that state of anger again. I was a different woman after hearing this interview.

Edith Eger was taken to Auschwitz with her family when she was just 16. She described her expereince, the murder of her family and the mindset she needed to adopt to survive — one of pity for her perpetrators.

When asked to define freedom, Dr. Eger explained that we need to break free from the concentration camp in our minds. When we carry the people we hate, we aren’t liberated. We’re hostages of the past.

She urges us not to forget, but to let go.

I can’t think of a more evil adversary than the Nazis. Dr. Edith Eger, on the other hand, is the truest example of greatness. She’s the ultimate hero. Women aren’t born strong, wise and resilient — we’re created that way through adversity.

We don’t choose what happens to us, but we choose the meaning we assign to what happens to us — and it’s that which shapes the woman.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR OPPONENTS

Women have no shortage of opponents. Most of our obstacles come in the form of financial struggles, health issues, relationships, trauma, you name it. And each come with their own distinct challenges.

A single mom faces judgement, isolation, financial instability, and resentment, all while trying to raise her children while suffering in silence. Then there’s the daily struggle of juggling work and family, a balancing act that tests every limit inside of her.

But, we make the choice — will our circumstances imprison us or are they lessons learned and victories earned?

Will the stories of our lives be warnings or examples? I choose the latter.

SETTING THE STAGE

First comes the paradigm shift. We need to reframe the traumatic event, viewing the obstacle, not as a deterrent, but as an opportunity to develop ourselves. This is how we start.

I’m not suggesting that what happened to us is fair, or that we should sprinkle glitter on horrific injustices and not “fight the good fight.” What I’m suggesting is making a plan that best serves our growth and our children’s growth — all that we can control.

Next, we have to focus our minds on continuous improvement. This could look like acquiring new skills, furthering education, or looking for opportunities in unlikely places. By looking through this lens, we enhance our resilience, ultimately gaining the skills to navigate even the most challenging circumstances.

Lastly, we need to celebrate the victories along the way. Happiness comes from progress. If we’re not growing, we’re dead. Acknowledging even the smallest wins sustains momentum — which is the fuel for our growth and success.

CONNECTING TO OUR WHY

It’s easier to do something for those we love than it is for ourselves. What kind of legacy do we want to leave for those we love; for our children? They’re watching us every time we fall and especially as we get back up again. This journey isn’t about not falling, it’s about staying the course.

We’re showing them how to keep going, especially when the path is steep. We’re teaching them to not only free themselves from anger and frustration, but to see their adversity as a worthy opponent.

If life ever seems like too much to handle, think of that legacy you want to leave. It likely involves setting a foundation for your kids to build courage, so that they can overcome anything and contribute positively to the world they live in.

Children don’t do what we say, they do what they see.

By freeing ourselves from our pain and from the perpetrator, we do not just parent differently; we parent with intention. We all want to create a legacy of healing, emotional intelligence, and of strength. It’s an active choice; to choose encouragement over criticism, communication over silence, and emotional support over indifference.

It’s about recognizing that while we cannot change what happened to us, we have a great deal of influence over the environment we create for ourselves and our kids. This is empowering — not just for us as women healing from our wounds, but also for our children, who benefit from a healthy, positive upbringing.

“The most obnoxious person is my best teacher” — Edith Eger